Maria's New Pad

Update Cannibal Crackfic Chapter 17

2008-09-27T23:29:58Z

You know, I wasn't even sure I still had this journal.

Go figure.

Anywho, so as I was saying over in my other journal, I'm in a really pissy mood. Not only one county employee is pissing me off but now two!

And I just started to write this cuz I wanted to.

It's nasty so beware. And my black humor is still in it but it might be overshadowed by the nasty.

But who fucking cares, right?! I mean, isn't it what we've all been waiting for?

Am I right or am I right?

Title: Ma, Can I keep him?
Chapter: 17/?
Pairing: B/J, implied E/J; also possibly, inter-species pairing (Hey, we're still not sure of Mikey's parentage)
Rating: R
Warnings: It is afterall a cannibal fic. Nothing squicky, just allusions to things that might make people uncomfortable. The word 'eviscerate' is used quite a bit.
Super Warning: Minor Character Death this chapter. Oh yes, there will be blood...

Disclaimers: I don't own Cowlip or the boys and according to fucking King County, I shouldn't own my stupid shed. *grumble grumble*

Summary: This is crack!fic. It is a cannibal crack!fic. It is tongue-in-cheek black humor. This is the warning within the summary. Debbie is the Sweeney Todd type living in some backwater town (not too far from Pittsburgh) with her mentally disturbed son, Mikey (yes, I stuck to canon) and adopted son, Brian. Justin and Ethan are passing through.

Previous chapters can be found in my memories, here. If you have trouble accessing them there, just use the memories found on my user info page.

There were three things Justin noticed upon his awakening in the morning.

First was that he had a real bitch of a headache. He was wondering if anyone in the farmhouse had any Tylenol until he remembered that he was allergic to said pain relief medication.

Some days it just sucked being him.

The second thing he noticed was that he had never in his entire life felt so completely and utterly satiated. Whatever he had eaten the night before, and however much, had left him feeling full. It was the most satisfying feeling he had ever felt.

When he looked at Brian however, he had to revise that statement.

It was almost the most satisfying feeling he had ever felt.

Which brought him to the last thing he noticed.

His ass was sore.

Not sore as in, 'ouch, I'll have to take it easy for the rest of the day' sore but as in, 'motherfucking fleet of Greyhounds took a detour through my ass' kind of sore.

The barbecue last night had been quite the party. Of course, he thought it had been quite the party.

What little of it he could remember that is. Most of it was a blur because of the drugs Brian had given him the night before. His lover had said something about the only way to enjoy a night time get together with the folks was to get as high as possible, in the shortest time as possible and hopefully pass out before Debbie could do the dance of the nine veils.

Justin shivered as he remembered a vision along those lines but it was still a bit fuzzy.

Which was good.

But not so good when he was seriously trying to piece together the events of the night before.

Like the one where after the party, Brian had fucked him through the mattress.

Literally.

Because when he looked down in confusion, wondering why the usually soft yet firm mattress was so unforgiving, it was then that Justin noticed the bed was gone and he was parked on the hardwood floor. And as he looked around the room, he noticed his voracious lover straightening his shelves and occasionally running a wet sponge over the walls.

"Hey."

"Hey," Brian responded in surprise as he finished with the sponge and threw it back into the bucket next to his feet. It made a strange sound when it hit the water inside and Justin watched as dirty, brown water splashed back up from within.

"Ewww, what happened?" Justin asked, a look of disgust evident on his face as he looked at the dirty water. "I mean...what exactly did we do in here last night Brian?"

Images quickly sped through Justin's brain, a virtual kaleidoscope of colorful and some disturbing pictures.

Him dancing around a huge bonfire partially naked.

Emmett rubbing some disgusting brown substance over his naked torso.

And the strangest pig he had ever seen...or tasted for that matter...being roasted over an open pit.

And just as he had conjured that particular thought up, Justin picked a piece of meat from between his teeth.

"What...um...do you...you know...remember?" Brian asked innocently.

"Well there was this...this bonfire...and...dancing? Did we dance Brian?"

"Yeah, a bit."

"Was Ted dancing with a cat...in a tutu?"

"Yeah, well, we asked Em if he could get a date for Ted and well, he brought one of his cats."

"Oh, that explains it," Justin admitted with a frown, "I think. I mean it is Ted afterall..."

"Do you remember anything else?" Brian asked quickly.

"Aside from you fucking my brains out after dinner...which I might add was simply the best meat I ever tasted," and just as he had said that, he fished another micrometer piece of meat that had lodged somewhere between his back molars.

Brian gazed upon the boy that was staring up at him from the floor. Justin's eyes were still a bit glazed from the night before, which meant the effects of the potent narcotics were still prevalent.

Justin said he didn't remember anything. Or at least much.

That was good.

Because if he did, that would be bad.

It would be very, very bad.

In fact, it would be bad to the power of one zillion.

"Brian? Where's the bed?" Justin asked while scratching his head.

"We broke it," Brian smiled lazily. In truth, they actually had soaked it through.

But he couldn't tell Justin that the real reason they would now be in the market for another King-sized Sealy Posturepedic's was because he had soaked the mattress through with the blood of one of his former classmates.

It wasn't really Brian's fault that Emmett had decided to go all Quest for Fire on his body and that of his lover's by painting Justin with a mixture of said blood and mud.

Of course, it might have been his fault when he fucked Justin against the walls, smearing the mixture all over the walls and then fucking him on the bed.

The evidence of one of Justin's fellow prep school inmates was now sloshing around in a bucket sitting in the corner of the room.

And the rest of the evidence was now making its way through everyone's digestive tract, including the boy that was currently sitting on the floor looking up at Brian with glazed eyes.

Brian had to think about how he had come to this point and how it all started.

"Hey! Paganini!" Brian yelled as he walked into the barn.

"Oh joy. It's my jailer. Come to fatten me up?" Ethan taunted as he regarded Brian through the bars. "What, measure my fat content? See if I measure up to the high USDA standards?"

"I want answers." Brian's tone intimated that he would not brook any more wisecracks or flippancy on the part of the imprisoned violinist. "What happened to Justin? There's that scar...and his hand...whenever I bring any of this up, he changes the subject."

Brian could see Ethan contemplating what to do next. It was with great relief when the young man started to relate the tale.

A tale that included a bashing at a young boy's prom, a homicidal homophobe who escaped any punishment by the law, a coma, nerve damage, endless days of physical therapy, and a hand that still gave him trouble. He spoke of days where Justin would not leave the house, not wanting to confront the populace at large and nights where he found little comfort as the same fears chased him into his nightmares.

With as controlled a voice as Brian could muster, he asked, "does this walking corpse have a name?"

"Yeah. Hobbs, Chris Hobbs. His number's in the book," Ethan retorted, an equal gleam in his eye.

And so it came to be that Brian arranged for Mel and Linz to offer up some odd jobs for Justin to do around their home while he took a little side trip into Pittsburgh.

Oh yes, indeed. The fiddler was correct.

It almost made him want to let Ethan go, if it weren't for the simple fact that he would want to take Justin with him.

Hobbs was in the book.

And Brian noted with an evil smile, that he would make a wonderful birthday present for Justin the way he had been hogtied and thrown into the trunk of Vic's car. Of course, Hobbs' was not a very gracious guest as he kept kicking the inside of the trunk the whole way back to the homestead.

"So this is the piece of shit that hurt our little Sunshine?" Debbie sneered as she stared down into the face of the person who was trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey.

"Faggots! You're all faggots!" Chris screamed as he gaped in anger and fear at the people surrounding him. "And you! I don't know what you are but someone should call Ringling Brothers and see if they're missing a clown. A fat clown!!!" Chris spit at Debbie.

"I see dead people," Ted tonelessly stated as he looked down at the former football star.

"Don't start this shit again Teddy," Vic warned.

"No, I think Theodore is just calling 'em as he sees 'em," Brian smiled slyly as he hooked his thumbs into his overalls. "Now what did I do with that spit?"

Brian had decided against the conventional means of serving Hobbs up at dinner, that was, to slaughter him and cook him in small individual pieces or to be part of the ingredients in Debbie's sausage.

No, he, along with the rest of the folks, especially Debbie (afterall, she wasn't too happy regarding that whole clown joke) decided that with the injustice that Hobbs had served up to Justin called for something really special.

And a celebration.

What they needed was a good old fashioned barbecue, complete with a spit roast.

All Brian had to do was throw in some mind altering drugs Justin's way for Brian knew without a doubt, no matter how much Justin might hate Hobbs, he wouldn't be too happy with the way in which Brian avenged his lover.

"Hey Brian! The fire's perfect. Have you gotten him prepared yet or what?!?" Debbie yelled while snapping her gum. Brian could almost see her hand on her hip as she awaited his smart ass remark.

"I'm just greasing the spit. One should always come prepared," Brian smirked as he smeared the grease around the pole, chuckling to himself as he used the same lube he used to prepare Justin.

"What're you gonna do with that pole faggot?" Chris asked, a tremor in his voice, his ass upturned in the air while his knees and elbows were tied to the table.

"I may be the faggot, but you're the one that's about to take it up the ass." Brian positioned the pole at Chris' entrance and bending over whispered into Chris' ear. "Don't worry. I'll be gentle. No wait," he said as he straightened out, his brows furrowed. "No I won't."

And with one quick motion Brian drove the spit home.

After looking over his latest work, the spit having completely gutted Chris and resurfacing through his mouth. Had Brian had any reservations about possibly going over the top on this one, all he need do was imagine Justin in a tuxedo, lying on the concrete, in his own pool of blood.

It was after that, after they had set the pole to rotate over the fire and had started to eat the product of his unholy revenge, that Brian had come to a macabre conclusion.

This, this was the way people were meant to eat.

It was carnal.

It was savage.

And it was so, so perfect in all its gluttonous glory.

Eating in excess as they all had last night, adding to that the effects a good old fashioned whiskey had on one's sanity, and everyone had reverted back to their primal instincts.

With a small smile on his face, he could remember a very tripping Justin, standing just on the other side of the huge bonfire, wearing nothing but a pair of low slung cargos he had borrowed from Emmett, covered in a brown-red mixture of goo as the lad aptly called it, munching on the charred remains still attached to a femur bone. When Justin stopped his eating long enough to stare back at Brian, the young man swiped his arm across his mouth to rid himself of the excess juices, his drug-glazed eyes never leaving the man.

Brian knew that look all too well.

Justin was still hungry.

But not for the meat.

All that human meat had gone straight to that part of Justin's brain that said 'must have sex now.'

Brian knew about that part of the brain because it was saying the same thing to him at that precise moment only what it was telling him was 'hunt, claim and mine.'

Mine

The older man knew the minute his prey picked up on the predatory look in Brian's eyes because Justin tossed the bone into the fire and took off into the clearing of trees at breakneck speed.

Another added effect that this much carnal pleasure had on one's system. Justin could never have run that fast before.

Brian took off after the boy, running through trees, jumping over overgrown roots, splashing through the stream that ran along the property and coming out into a grassy clearing.

Looking around him, he spotted his young lover doubling back through the other thicket of trees. Instead of running the same way, Brian quickly darted back the way he came, knowing he would run into Justin when he circled back around.

And he did. Tackling Justin to the forest floor, he latched onto the boy and started to devour every part of him.

No piece of clean naked flesh was left unattended as Brian claimed his prize, his carnal energy thrumming through his body and calling out to him to mark the body beneath him.

Brian had taken Justin, there within the circle of trees. Naked and still needing more contact with each other, they ran back to Brian's room, once again satiating their blood-crazed lust.

Too bad Justin wouldn't remember most of it.

All that mattered to Brian though was that someone who had visited all his hatred on Justin, someone who could have tried to hurt someone like the young man currently looking at Brian as if he were God and then get away scott free, finally received his due reward.

And God! If he could possibly get any more lesbian, then he would spit and roast himself next time.

"How do you feel now twat? You still want me to get you some aspirin?" Brian asked, smiling at the younger man as he tried to get his bearings.

"Yeah," Justin beamed. "Thanks Brian. You're the best."

Sunshine.

And sometimes Debbie called 'em as she saw 'em too.

Just then, Justin hit his chest and let out a loud, resounding belch, waving his hand in front of his face as he did so.

"Whew! Where the hell did that come from?" Justin asked in wonder.

"Must've been something you ate," Brian smirked.

TBC

Feedback is still good.

And yeah, I was pretty gross here.

I think, at least.

I know it's been a while...

2008-04-23T23:48:07Z

Things have been a bit crazy PLUS I have started to write in another fandom (but I'm not posting those stories here at IJ).

However, I do want to finish any Qaf series I have out there and I will.

Because my sister-in-law wanted to watch QaF when she visited, I watched part of the first season with her and my spark in Brian and Justin was rekindled. Yay! (I just wish she would return S1 and 2 to me so I can continue watching...*grumble grumble*).

Be that as it may, I want to start posting some of my original fiction to my lj. However, this fiction is a bit dark and involves real issues. They're also based on people I know and things that happened to them - myself included.

Sort of a 'these invents are true - only the names have been changed to protect the innocent' kind of thing.

I just have this need to post them (and get rid of them).

Anywho, because of the nature of this fic, I plan on putting them on a filter so if you want to read them, please comment below and I'll add you to the filter (if you have already been friended by me, you will still need to comment below to be added to the filter).

Only people who comment below will be added to the filter.

It's that simple.

All of my fanfiction (Queer as Folk and Lord of the Rings RPS) is and will always be unlocked.

Part 1 of 2 - Cannibal Christmas Interlude

2007-12-18T04:47:20Z

Hi everyone!

Remember the cannibal!verse?

Well, here's a Christmas present for everyone who loves the tale of our favorite cannibals!

There's two parts. I have the second one written and I'll post that tomorrow!

So here you go!

Enjoy!

Title: Cannibal Christmas Interlude
Part 1 of 2 parts (2nd part tomorrow - it's already written)
Pairing: B/J
Warnings: It's the cannibal!verse. Come on!!!!
Summary: This takes place right after chapter 16 of the ongoing saga of our favorite cannibals. It's Christmas!!!! (I know it's still summer in the story - just read and you'll see).

Disclaimer: The Qaf gang are really cannibals, Justin really is that clueless and Dan and Ron were really eaten...so I can write whatever I want about these people!

Okay, so none of the above is true.

Christmas.

Christmas is a time of year when we can all rejoice and be merry. It's a way of bringing the old year to a festive end, before ushering in the new.

Where man can put aside their differences for a little while and come together with his fellow man.

When one can forget their troubles and celebrate with family and friends, while they look back at the year and realize things were not as terrible as one thought.

Yes, Christmas is indeed a merry time.

As long as it is Christmas.

Which falls in December, thus the whole celebrating the end of the old year and the bringing in the new and reflecting thing.

That's why Christmas is not celebrated in July.

And that the reason Christmas is such a special time of year is because it's celebrated only once a year.

Maybe someone should have told Debbie that.

Brian pondered on all this as he watched Debbie and Emmett decorating an artificial white Christmas tree. He watched as the pastel greens and pinks clashed horribly with the jewel toned fuchsias and blues. Looking at the garish thing almost made Brian wish he could just go into the barn and disembowel Ethan now.

That would make him feel better.

"Brian? What's going on?" Justin asked while looking at the tree.

And there was the other reason he wanted to disembowel Ethan now.

"I have absolutely no idea whatsoever Sunshine," Brian sighed. Brian decided he had had enough. "Debbie, the lad here wants to know what's going on?"

"Haven't you ever decorated a tree Sunshine?" Debbie chuckled.

"Yes," Justin said while biting his lip, "at Christmas...in...in December."

Debbie climbed down from the ladder and walked over to Justin while Emmett continued to strewn tinsel around the ivory branches. "I'm doing this for Vic, God bless him," Debbie said while shaking her head back and forth sadly.

"But Debbie," Justin laughed, "Vic is still alive!"

"Yes, but with his health and all, one can never be too careful. So I decided that in case he doesn't make it to December, we could celebrate Christmas today!" Debbie finished with a big smile.

"Well, when you put it like that, I certainly feel like being in a celebratory mood," Vic droned as he walked into the living room. "I'm going to the bathroom now. Hopefully I won't die on the way there."

"Do you need me to wipe your ass?" Debbie asked off handedly.

"All I want for Christmas is my dignity so I'll go with 'no,'" Vic said and walked away.

Debbie laughed and turned to Brian and Justin.

"Now you two go and get ready. We'll be having friends over any minute to spend Christmas Day with us," Debbie said as she started shooing them out of the room.

"You go on ahead and I'll be up in a minute," Brian said as he kissed Justin on the nose.

"But what will I wear?" Justin asked.

"That big red bow the girls had you tied up in would look nice," Brian smirked.

"The red bow?' Justin smiled. "And...?"

"And? There's an 'and?'"

Justin laughed and playfully swatted Brian's arm while skipping away upstairs.

Brian followed closely on Debbie's heels as she walked into the kitchen.

"So...who's for dinner?" Brian asked as he started eating one of the appetizers on a tray.

"Well, we'll have Ben over of course...and Mel and Lindsay..."

"No. I meant, who are we having for dinner?" Brian asked again. "If you want, I could go prepare Ethan for you right now. He'll be a little bit greasy, but..."

"I already have a roast in the oven," Debbie said as she opened the oven door. "See?"

"Oh," Brian said dejectedly.

No disemboweling Ethan today.

Now he knew it wasn't Christmas.

"So, who's the roast?" Brian asked.

"That Bedwetter guy. Remember him?" Debbie said as she bent over the roast, basting it.

"Bellweather. Yeah I remember him."

"Every time I think of that man, it makes me sick," Debbie ranted. "Imagine! Trying to have sex with Ted without using a condom! It was barbaric!" Debbie continued as she thrust a meat thermometer into the deepest part of the rump roast. She then covered it with the tin foil.

"Yeah, well, at least he's practicing safe roasting now," Brian ceded. "So, do I dare ask who is taking care of the gift exchanging?"

"I thought it would be a nice idea if Ted did this year," Debbie smiled.

"Oh. Good. I'm gonna go upstairs and practice being surprised at getting a jar of air then," Brian said as he made to leave the kitchen.

"Now don't be so cynical Brian. You never know, Teddy may surprise us this year," Debbie admonished.

"God, I hope not," Brian muttered as he walked out. Normal strange behavior from Ted he could handle.

Anything out of the ordinary and Brian could find himself just this side of downright scared.

As Brian entered the bedroom, he looked at Justin who had changed into a tight light blue t-shirt and a pair of new, crisp white overalls. "Okay?" Justin asked as he put his hands out to the side.

"Oh yeah," Brian said as he advanced on Justin, "very okay." Brian nuzzled the side of Justin's neck while inhaling his scent.

It was so much sweeter than the smell of roasting Bellweather.

"Mmmm, looks like the rump roast won't be the only piece of ass I'll be eating tonight," Brian whispered as he continued to lick up and down Justin's throat.

"You say the sweetest things," Justin chuckled.

"Yeah, well, wait till you get a load of my yule log," Brian smiled.

The day had been a pleasant one once everyone had arrived and celebrated as if it were really Christmas. All in attendance had gotten into a festive mood with some homemade eggnog and joined in on some caroling. People had made their way to the living room for dessert and gift exchanging once their bellies had been filled with Christmas dinner.

Ben was sat behind Mikey on the overstuffed leather chair. Vic was lounging back on his Lazy-Boy chair, a piece of pie in his hand. Mel and Linds were talking about baby plans with Debbie while Emmett was announcing the arrival of Ted dressed as Santa Claus.

"Oh my God Brian," Justin whispered. "Where did Ted get that outfit?"

At this point, Brian was almost willing to tell the lad the truth - how one of those drunk and loutish department store Santas had managed to wander onto the homestead and Debbie, after having watched Miracle on 34th Street for the fifth time that day, decided to take it upon herself to rid the earth of such scum who could fowl the image that was Santa Claus.

She couldn't even bring herself to put him in the sausage.

"We bought it from Target," Brian responded.

"Ho! Ho!" Ted chorused as he passed out gifts to the girls.

"Watch your mouth Santa," Mel groused.

"Mel, sweetie," Lindsay whispered in Mel's ear, "he didn't mean it personally."

The girls opened their gifts and gasped. "Oh Teddy, these are wonderful! Did you make these?" Lindsay asked excitedly.

"Yeah," Ted smiled. "Nice use of raw materials, huh?" Ted said as he looked over at Brian.

Brian looked at the gifts and turned two shades of pale.

God, he hated when he was right.

Normal strange Ted had left the building.

Crafty and resourceful Ted had taken his place.

Brian looked at the purses that had been fashioned from license plates.

If the girls had ever decided to run the plate numbers on their new handbags, they might find it belonged to a missing person.

Hopefully Ted had not decided to make wallets out of driver's licenses. Just as Brian was thinking that, Mikey, Ben and Vic were opening their gifts.

Brian paled as he caught sight of the GMC logo on one of the belt buckles of the belts Ted had made.

Belts made out of the remnants of car seatbelts.

"Wow Ted!" Ben exclaimed. "This is great!" Ben started buckling his belt together and then releasing it, fascinated with how his new belt worked. He then buckled it again and released it again. "What a great idea! Where did you get the old seatbelts from?"

"Here and there," Ted replied. "Mostly here," Ted said as he smiled over at Brian again.

"Theodore...I need to speak with you," Brian growled.

"Hold on. Here's your gift Debbie," Ted said as he gave Debbie a small pine tree.

"A tree! Thank you Teddy!" Debbie smiled.

"Not just a tree. It's like the 12 Days of Christmas. It's a partridge in a pear tree. See?" Ted said as he pointed to a quail sitting in the tree.

Debbie's smile faltered. "Teddy...sweetie...the bird's dead."

"Well I had to get it to stay in the tree! Here," Ted said as he turned to Brian, "I got you a belt too."

"Ted," Brian started.

Ted ignored Brian and moved toward Emmett. "Yours is one of those nifty purses too," Ted said as he smiled up at Emmett.

"Oh sweetie! Thank you!" Emmett gushed. "I'm sure it'll clash horribly with everything I own. It's perfect!"

"Ted?" Justin asked quietly. "Did you get anything for me?"

Ted walked up to Justin and looked directly at him. "I was saving the best for last. Here," Ted said as he thrust a present at Justin.

Justin hurriedly opened the gift, Brian holding his breath the entire time. "Wow...it's...it's," Justin stuttered, trying to think of what it was that he was holding.

It looked vaguely familiar.

Brian swallowed as he looked at the emblem.

"It's also from the song...the 12 days of Christmas...see?" Ted said as he held up the emblem. "Five golden rings."

"But there are only four," Justin said.

"I could only work with what I had," Ted said dejectedly. "I thought you'd like it though."

"Oh, I do!" Justin said quickly. "It's so...different...yet so familiar."

Brian knew what it was. It was the golden Audi emblem taken off that Dan and Ron's car.

"Theodore...a word please," Brian said once again.

Brian took Ted aside, away from the others as they all gushed over their "gifts."

"Way to go braintrust!" Brian yelled. "Using raw materials from the barn, which by the way is off limits to you."

"Brian," Ted tsked as he nodded his head back and forth. "Sometimes the best place to hide the evidence is right out in the open."

And with that, Ted walked away.

There were times, rare as they may be, that Theodore had a point.

And Brian had to admit, this was one of them.

With that Brian shook his head, chuckled and joined the festivities in the next room.

He had yet to give Justin his present.

To be concluded in part 2...

I love feedback like the gang loves their red meat!!!!

(And Justin loves Brian's yule log).

SNOW! ICONS! And baby!Orli...

2007-12-03T03:41:39Z

The start of December kicked off to a great start!

14 inches of snow!!!!

Seriously...14 inches! :)

So before I could get the kids into warm wear, they were outside playing in it. I finally got them into warm coats, waterproof gloves, hats and thermal underwear. Then they got out the sleds and tubes and voila!

They were out for a long time today going down the hill in our backyard. They also made an igloo and tried to get the kitty involved.

It's like burying yourself in the sand, only colder. :)

I think it's illegal to have this much fun.

Yes, the kitty's grown.

No BBQ today! LOL!

And then my sister-in-law said she's never gone sledding because she grew up in Hollywood and when she went to live in Maryland, no one was into that so...

I told her to go do it today. She hemmed and hawed and I said get over it. Go out and have fun!

So, see? She didn't have fun at all...

Nope! Not at all...

Another wonderful start to my holidays were some icons by the talented and generous qafmaniac who made me some QaF cannibal icons.

*points to my icon*

That's the Ranger Ben one. I have 3 more on my icon journal. They all say "Merry Christmas from Hell."

Thank you qafmaniac again!!!! *blows kisses*

Lastly, I was surfing youtube again and I came upon this somehow:

Invalid video URL.

This would be Orlando Bloom's guest starring role on Midsomer Murders (a role he played in one episode before he went on to make Lord of the Rings). Someone put together all his scenes from the episode Judgement Day.

He's so cute!!!!

(I thought it was cute...)

A NEW EMAIL FOR THE CHRISTMAS CARD LIST AND SHOES AND THE SHOP

2007-11-30T01:54:30Z

IMPORTANT MESSAGE REGARDING CHRISTMAS CARD LIST

I'm pretty sure at this point that my livejournal email account is not working. Either that or nobody likes me...*sob*

I think it's the email. firehead30 suggested I get a gmail account cuz she was having problems with the livejournal email too.

So, if you would like a Christmas card from me, email me at :

dementedqueen@gmail.com

with your address (don't forget your lj name so I know who you are!).

I will send you back a confirmation email once I get it.

If you sent me one on the livejournal email, send it to the gmail one.

So I bought some shoes. This is a big deal for me because I only wear three pairs a year. A pair of flip flops, my Timberlands and my Uggs.

They're called Keens and they're so comfortable.

So I bought 2 pairs.

See:

Also, it appears that some monster ate some Christmas decorations and then threw up all over the lobby of my restaurant.

Okay, that was a visual you probably didn't need and a simple, 'whoa! I think they overdid it on the Christmas decor at the shop,' but what can I say.

I have a way with words. :)

Here are some pics of our lobby:

See what I mean?

Looks nice though. We do this every year but there seems to be an increase this year. (The mural was always there).

NOW, we have to set up the Christmas lights up outside. If the lobby is any indication this year, we should be the brightest dot in Snoqualmie Valley. :)

CHRISTMAS CARD LIST!!!!

2007-11-28T21:17:38Z

Deck the halls...la la la la...

Okay, yeah. I've decided that I'm in the Christmas mood this year (well, I usually am every year but this time it's come earlier for me).

I'd like to send Christmas cards out to people on my flist who would like to receive one from me.

I tried a test post where I screened comments but I don't like that idea so let's just do this:

Go ahead and send me your address (don't forget to include your lj name) to this email address:

slave_o_spike@livejournal.com

I'll send you a confirmation that I got it. If you don't get a confirm in 2 days since the time you sent it, comment to me on my journal.

Movie Rec Lars and the Real Girl

2007-11-27T20:52:46Z

Well I'm glad people are having a fun time with the Which QaF Cannibal Character are you? quiz.

There are a surprising number of Ranger Bens out there. *lifts eyebrow suspiciously*

Anywho, I remember I said that Beowulf was a horrid movie and to NOT NOT NOT see it.

Well, I have been wanting to post a rec for a movie that you SHOULD GO SEE for a while now but keep getting distracted!!!!

It's called Lars and the Real Girl.

Yes, it's the movie where the guy 'dates' a sex doll.

Here's a preview courtesy of youtube:

Lars and the Real Girl because IJ won't let me post the actual trailer

Why should you see it? Am I really that insane that I would rec a movie about a guy with a sex doll?

Well, yes, I am insane but that's beside the point.

This movie is perfect. Ryan Gosling is perfect is as the flawed yet sweet hero. You just want to take the man home and take care of him.

And another perfect performance is by Paul Schneider as his brother Gus. This man has to show a range of emotions and he does so perfectly.

Half the time I was laughing during the movie.

The other half I was silently crying.

I absolutely ADORE this movie and I think you will too.

MY CANNIBAL FIC QUIZ!!!!!

2007-11-27T08:08:44Z

So I joined Mozilla and I made a quiz.

It's called Which QaF Cannibal Character are you? and it can be taken here.

After you take the quiz, make sure you check out all the results. :)

Have fun!!!!

Oh, this is me. :)

Which Queer as Folk Cannibal Character are you?

You are Ted.You are hopeless.Nuff said.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Thanksgiving Wishes!!!!

2007-11-23T01:43:01Z

I just wanted to pop in to say Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Graphics provided by MySpaceAnimations.com

Chapter 4 The Hitcher

2007-11-22T06:28:57Z

Title: The Hitcher
Chapter: Chapter 4
Pairing: Brian/Justin; some mild, not really there Justin/Ethan - in fact, they don't have sex...at all.
Genre: Badfic/Horror/Suspense
Rating: S for stupid
Summary: You've seen the movie. Come on. You haven't? Okay. Justin picks up more than he can handle (and I don't mean a raging case of herpes) when he picks up a hitchhiker. Chaos ensues.

Disclaimer: This is all made up. I don't own Cowlip or the boys. And I don't know anyone who owns the Chevy. :)

Look at the banner my daughter Alex made for me!!!

Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3

Ethan had been simulating a drum roll on the dashboard for the past five minutes before Brian said something. "Could you please knock it the fuck off."

"Awfully bossy for someone getting a free ride, doncha think?" Ethan asked of the back seat.

"Ethan," Justin whispered harshly.

"What?" Ethan asked innocently.

An uneasy silence once again engulfed the car.

"You know," Justin started while peering into his rearview mirror, "I know how to fix cars..."

"So I gathered," Brian said, "this is a pretty cherry ride."

"Thanks," Justin smiled and tried to remember what he had been about to say. "Anyway, like I said, I know how to..."

"Do you really want to fix my car...in the middle of the highway...on a dark night?" Brian countered. When silence greeted the question, he said, "Didn't think so."

Another one of those uneasy silences fell over the group.

"You know what I don't get?" a voice from the back seat said.

"Global warming?" Ethan said back.

"You're funny. See," Brian continued, "I don't get how a hot kid like yourself," Brian said as he turned to face Justin, "ended up with a loser like Ian here."

"It's Ethan asshole," Ethan shot back.

Brian continued on as if he hadn't been interrupted. "I mean, what? Did he promise you love, roses, breakfast in bed..."

"I'm sorry...what?" Justin asked in confusion.

"I'm just saying, a kid like you should be fucked hard. If I had my way, I'd fuck you over the hood of this car, hard and fast, just like the car. Fuck!" Brian exclaimed, "I'd fuck you through the hood!" Brian sat back and chuckled.

"Oh listen to that Justin. Our hitchhiker here thinks he's your car."

"What? And what do you mean by love and promises...and fucking me on...no...through the hood of my car!" Justin ranted while blushing slightly. "That's pretty fucked up coming from someone wearing a goddamned wedding ring! Your wife know you talk like this?"

"There's no wifey at home," Brian said as he twirled the ring around his finger, "I just wear it so people think I'm trustworthy."

It was at that exact moment in space and time that warning bells went off in Justin's head and that he realized he just might have made a mistake in picking this guy up.

Still, he had to ask the question, as he turned slightly to take in Ethan's pale face and the man in the back seat.

"And are you, Brian, trustworthy?"

"No," Brian said as he pulled a knife out of nowhere and held it to Justin's throat.

TBC

You know how I like my feedback. :)

Chapter 3 "The Hitcher" and cockfetti story

2007-11-21T02:29:39Z

So, today was Rowan's parent/teacher conference. This was the one I was worried about.

After talking to the teachers, everything's cool and apparently she's doing great. I help her with her homework so I know what she's capable of, but I wasn't sure if they were going to say that she should be held back.

I can breathe easier on this point now. I've been wondering if she was going to be able to keep up all this time.

I won't go into detail, just suffice it to say, I'm happy. :)

I then came home to find Rowan and Donovan had found the 'cockfetti' that had come with my QaF goodies.

Rowan was applying the confetti to Donovan's cheeks and her own. When I found them, she said, "look! We're pretty!" Then she asked where I got the hearts.

*breathes in deeply*

So here's the next installment of my badfic experiment. Are people still reading this BTW?

Title: The Hitcher
Chapter: Chapter 3
Pairing: Brian/Justin; some mild, not really there Justin/Ethan - in fact, they don't have sex...at all.
Genre: Badfic/Horror/Suspense
Rating: S for stupid
Summary: You've seen the movie. Come on. You haven't? Okay. Justin picks up more than he can handle (and I don't mean a raging case of herpes) when he picks up a hitchhiker. Chaos ensues.

Disclaimer: It's all true and yes, I am Spartacus!!!!

Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2

"Um...that depends...where you going?" Justin asked of the stranger.

"South," the man replied while leaning against the phone booth just outside of the diner. He had a few days growth beard, a bomber jacket and a pair of very comfy looking jeans.

"We're headed that way too," Justin said with a smile.

"Justin," Ethan whispered as he elbowed his companion.

"Stop," Justin whispered back and turned once again to the stranger. "Where do you have to go exactly?"

The man looked behind Justin and saw the Chevy. He stood up straighter and peered at both boys. "You were the two that left me out on the road, weren't you?"

"Shit," Ethan mumbled.

"Was that you?!" Justin exclaimed as he stood straighter. "I'm so sorry. It's just that...and then...I'm so sorry," he continued to babble.

The man smiled. "That's okay. I wouldn't pick me up either." As he said this, the toothpick shifted to the other side of his mouth. Justin kept a keen eye on the stick and then looked down quickly at the man's hand. The man's nice strong hand.

And the gold wedding band on his finger.

Funny, he had definitely gotten a blip on his gaydar from the man.

That was quite regrettable.

"What happened?" Justin asked with a bit of concern.

"The car just...died. I'm not a mechanic," the man said with a smirk. "I hate grease."

"Justin drinks it for breakfast," Ethan quipped.

"Yeah, I bet," the man said while licking his lips. "Look, my name is Brian. Brian Kinney," Brian said as he held his hand out for Justin to shake. "I'd really be in your debt if you could give me a lift to where I'm going."

"Of course we will," Justin said while shaking Brian's hand.

"Justin? Can I speak to you for a moment?" Ethan said while pulling Justin by the shirt away from the man.

"What?" Justin said.

"What?" Ethan repeated. "We are so not picking up a stranger, especially that one!" Ethan said while pointing over in Brian's direction.

"Way to be inconspicuous. Why not? He seems nice," Justin said with a smile as he waved to Brian.

"Nice? Nice? I dunno. There's something wrong about him..."

"Did you see the ring? He's probably got some pretty little wife somewhere waiting at home for him. Probably 2.5 kids playing with an XBox while the family dog is out rutting through the neighbor's garbage."

"I dunno," Ethan said once again while shaking his head.

"Please Ethan? I feel so bad already for leaving him stranded out there. This is my way of...of redeeming myself."

"Couldn't you just give some money to the Ronald McDonald house instead? I think I saw a McDonald's around here somewhere. I know, let's go now and find one," Ethan said as he tried to pull Justin with him. "I'll buy you a happy meal."

"Ethan," Justin said as he rooted himself to the spot.

"Fine," Ethan said as he admitted defeat. "Let's go play the good samaritan to the nice psycho breeder."

"Brian," Justin called out as he pointed behind him, "car's this way."

"Excellent," Brian said and smiled.

TBC

The Real Chapter 2 of "The Hitcher"

2007-11-20T04:46:45Z

So here you go. The Real Chapter 2. That one I posted two days ago was chapter 1.

So I went to Griffon's parent/teacher conference. Two down and one to go. Rowan's is tomorrow. Should be fun. :)

Also, if you go to see a movie, I highly suggest you do NOT go to see Beowulf. It's just that bad.

Yes, it's that bad. Ugh!

You wanna see a goof Beowulf? Rent the 2005 Beowulf and Grendel with Gerard Butler. That's a good one.

Title: The Hitcher
Chapter: Chapter 2
Pairing: Brian/Justin; some mild, not really there Justin/Ethan - in fact, they don't have sex...at all.
Genre: Badfic/Horror/Suspense
Rating: S for stupid
Summary: You've seen the movie. Come on. You haven't? Okay. Justin picks up more than he can handle (and I don't mean a raging case of herpes) when he picks up a hitchhiker. Chaos ensues.

Disclaimer: This is so not true. I've seen the hot sauce around though.

Prologue
Chapter 1

"Do you wonder why someone would market a hot sauce with a boy chili pepper and a girl chili pepper on it?"

"Put the hot sauce down Ethan," Justin said as he bit nervously at his lip.

"Seriously," Ethan said as he continued to ponder over the small bottle. "Why a boy and a girl chili pepper? I mean, it's rather homophobic, doncha think?"

Justin took the bottle out of Ethan's hand and looked at the offending ad. It had a picture of a male chili pepper in a sombrero and a mustache trying to make time with a smaller chili pepper with large, fluttering eyelashes and lips that rivaled that of Angelina Jolie's. "I dunno. I think it's cute. Doesn't make me wanna put hot sauce on my eggs, but I don't think it's offensive, let alone homophobic," Justin chuckled, letting out a bit of nervous tension.

"Well I for one don't like it. If I were the kind of guy who would put hot sauce on my eggs, I wouldn't now."

Justin slammed the bottle on the table. "You know, I could really give a rat's ass about the fucking breeder chili couple on the bottle, when not too long ago I left some guy stranded on the road!" Justin breathed in heavily while thumping his head against the wall of the small diner.

"Justin!" Ethan exclaimed incredulously. "You wanted to give that guy a ride...some stranger...who knows what kind of guy he could've been?!?"

"He was standing in the middle of the road. He looked like he broke down...was having car trouble...then we left him there...after I might add, almost running him over," Justin said excitedly.

"Exactly...what the fuck was he doing in the middle of the road?!" Ethan exclaimed. "Creepy if you ask me," he added while mumbling.

"I don't know," Justin said while shaking his head. "I feel responsible..."

"For what?!?! You weren't responsible for his car breaking down...I might like to add that you in fact, did not run him over...didn't even touch him..."

"Yeah, but did you see the way he was coming over toward the car? He looked like he really needed help. And then we just drove away!" Justin finished anxiously.

"Well, we didn't exactly just drive away. Your car, your fucking alpha car, decided to stall on us. He was almost to the fucking door. Lucky you got it started in time."

"Yeah," Justin interrupted, "so I could haul outta there in front of the guy. That was so lame. He coulda been in trouble."

"Justin," Ethan sighed. "Just let it drop. You did the right thing. Seriously, who stands in the middle of the fucking road in the middle of the night?"

"Someone who really needed help?" Justin countered.

"You're hopeless," Ethan laughed. "Come on." Ethan rose from his chair while throwing money on the table. "That should cover the bill and tip."

As the duo made their way out the door, Ethan looked over at the lone employee in the diner. "Next time I come in, I wanna see two male chili peppers on the bottles."

"Fuck you asshole!" the kid yelled while holding up a one-finger salute.

"Yeah, you wish!" Ethan yelled back.

Justin stopped to look incredulously at Ethan and laughed. "Ethan! Of all the causes you could pick, hot sauce?" Justin shook his head.

"What?!" Ethan said and laughed with Justin.

"You guys heading the same way I am?"

Both boys turned as one to the voice behind them.

TBC

My Bad and a thank you for something I got in the mail today...

2007-11-19T23:09:32Z

So two things.

First off, if you're reading The Hitcher, you'll notice that I wrote a prologue and then skipped right over chapter 1 and into chapter 2.

My bad.

So (thank you flamencanyc for catching that) I corrected that. I wrote the Prologue, which I posted before all my laptop woes, and then I posted chapter 1 just 2 days ago, which I mistakenly labeled as 'chapter 2.' I have corrected that. It now reads 'chapter 1' and chapter 2 should be posted later tonight, after another parent-teacher conference. I just love November! I went to Megan's on Friday and tonight's is Griffon's. Rowan's is tomorrow.

Now, to the second and Most Important part of this post. I received something in the mail today. It was in a special USPS envelope which basically said 'We're sorry but the USPS screwed up somehow and this came to you late and not in its original packaging.' I guess the envelope was damaged or something.

Anywho, I opened the envelope and saw:

One Queer as Folk mouse pad
One Queer as Folk picture book
And a card that when I opened it, spilled interesting confetti on me and my Audi seat.

Griffon looked over at it when I opened it. He asked if the confetti were arrows with hearts.

I said, 'uh yeah.'

Then he looked more closely at it and laughed. 'Those aren't arrows! Those are little penises!'

When you're right you're right.

LMAO!!!!!

So I'm just here to say THANK YOU THANK YOU for my goodies (my prize for the scavenger hunt) to happier_bunny, shadownyc, rebeccama, callie89 and ohfreckle.

That was very sweet.

So, as I have said, I will be posting later tonight. Also, I'm working on writing a sequel to a certain story of mine that I think people will be happy with. :)

Chapter 1 of "The Hitcher"

2007-11-18T02:50:24Z

Hey remember that bad fic experiment I was trying? Where I would write for just one half hour a day and post it no matter what? And then I had the whole 'oh fuck - my laptop is going bye-bye and now I'm waiting for my new one in the mail.' Well, now that I have the laptop (which I adore), I'm continuing with it.

So here's the next chapter. This does not mean that I have abandoned Justin's Baby. I am working on that now that I can.

Also, my entry for the Justin!Love challenge was posted today over at qaf_challenges on insane journal. I can't give you the link to my story as the stories are still anon, but I will post it on my journal in about 5 days when the writers are revealed. But if you're looking for stuff to read, go here.

So it appears mine is doing pretty well so that's cool.

Title: The Hitcher
Chapter: Chapter 1
Pairing: Brian/Justin; some mild, not really there Justin/Ethan - in fact, they don't have sex...at all.
Genre: Badfic/Horror/Suspense
Rating: S for stupid
Summary: You've seen the movie. Come on. You haven't? Okay. Justin picks up more than he can handle (and I don't mean a raging case of herpes) when he picks up a hitchhiker. Chaos ensues.

Disclaimer: This is so not true. I mean, seriously, Justin as a gear head?

"Fuck Justin...could you keep the speed in the double digit range please?!" Ethan exclaimed.

"You're kidding me," Justin said as he turned to face his companion. "This is a 1970 Chevy Chevelle SS with a 454 engine...with 4 on the floor and a fucking cowl induction hood. This is what other muscle cars dream of being. If I'm doing anything less than a hundred and it feels like we're crawling.""

"Yeah, well, I feel like I'm crawling...crawling outta my skin," Ethan grumbled. "I don't get it Justin!" Ethan said as he turned to face him. "How is it I managed to find the one gay man who's a complete and utter gear head! You're an artist! You should be going to gallery openings, talking about foreign movies..."

"And I do like gallery openings and foreign movies. I just like to make sure I get to those places as fast as possible," Justin finished with his trademark shit eating grin.

"You're hopeless! And why the fuck did I let you talk me into this stupid road trip through Deliverance territory on spring break?" Just as Ethan said that, he passed a sign that read YOU ARE NOW ENTERING SOUTH CAROLINA.

"I thought it would be fun to go somewhere warm for a change. Don't worry," Justin said as he turned to look at Ethan. "I'm sure they'll have something cultural for us to do there."

"What? What?" Ethan yelled. "I can't hear you over the 54 engine block that's rumbling through the floorboards."

Justin chuckled. "You're the one that's hopeless and it's 454. I suppose you would be happy if I sold this car and got a minivan. One that could take you and your musician friends and all their instruments, yeah?"

"Would you do that for me?" Ethan smiled.

"Yeah sure. Oh and then I could donate all my vital organs to the local hospital. Separating me from this car would be like...like cutting off my dick," Justin said, waving his hand for emphasis.

"Harsh," Ethan chuckled. "What is it with you and this car? I mean, I know you and your dad worked on it together but seriously."

"Seriously?" Justin asked and then mulled Ethan's question around. "It's not just a car. It's not just a machine. It's more than that. I can't put it into words. It's just so...so visceral. It's real. It's in your fucking face, ya know. If it were human, this car would be the alpha male's male. It would fuck you through the floor boards while you were screaming for more," Justin finished while gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly.

"Justin, are you fucking the car?" Ethan asked, a smile tugging at the sides of his mouth.

Justin looked over at Ethan and then both men laughed.

"Technically speaking, if I were involved with the car, it would be fucking me," Justin said as he turned to look at Ethan and both men laughed again.

"Fuck Justin! Watch out!" Ethan yelled.

"Shit!!!!"

Justin slammed on the clutch at the same time as the brake, turning the wheel to the left and skidding to a stop, narrowly missing the man who had been standing in the middle of the road.

TBC

Feedback would be cool - like a Chevy Chevelle Supersport

Kitten photos, my laptop and my challenge entry

2007-11-17T01:55:07Z

So I finally christened my new powerbook by writing my Justin love challenge entry.

I sooooo love my new laptop. *eyes Powerbook fondly*

Now I have no excuse for writing. So I will get back to it here.

Here are some pics of the kitty when we first got him.

He's bigger now. I need some new pictures.

So starting tomorrow, I will continue with my badfic writing experiment, get another chapter out of Justin's Baby (not tomorrow but this week) and various other things.

I will leave on this thought though - It is so nice to be mobile yet again.

Love and kisses!!!!

Seattle Fangirl convergence and discussion questions

2007-11-10T00:04:31Z

First off, I just wanted to say that you can start posting the answers to the discussion about Halloween over at my community the_other_slash now.

But more importantly, I just wanted to stop in and talk about what a great time I had with firehead30, xie_xie_xie and a new friend, cabbers on Sunday!

We walked around Seattle, talked about QaF, blind-folded escort Justin and life. I haven't laughed so hard in quite a while.

(Okay, well when hubby asked about the penis extension thing and if it was feasible...)

I just got my Powerbook! Woo hoo! I can now start writing again in peace!!!!

*does the Justin snoopy dance*

Only problem is I have my sister-in-law and one o her evil spawn visiting this weekend and I was just informed she's in Tacoma right now so she should be here in an hour so I must make this short.

I love you all!

*blows kisses to everyone*

Bad Fic Entry #1, Homecoming, BJ vid, oh just read...

2007-11-02T05:22:50Z

So...

*blushes*

This extra loooong post is actually 3 posts smushed together. I just found my password again for my insane journal account.

*sigh*

Anywho, my oldest daughter, Alex, went to her first Homecoming dance two Saturday nights ago (not the one that just passed, but the one BEFORE - see? I'm so behind here).

Here she is in all her glory...

Shane's mom was so excited about the whole thing and how cute they looked together, she was already picking out the colors for their wedding.

I don't think so...

Also, we got a new kitty! Someone abandoned a tiny little gray fur ball in our restaurant gazebo. The guys heard some meowing and went to investigate. What they found was the world's cutest kitten in a box. I took it home all the while saying, 'yep, we're not keeping this thing.' I showed it to Joe.

He said the same thing.

So the next thing I know, the kitten has taken up residence on Joe's collarbone, right under his chin and wouldn't leave. Not that Joe, you know, would let him.

SO, the next thing I know, I'm taking the kitten to a vet, who tells me the kitty's only about 4 weeks old, and that it has a cold. So for the next two weeks I was feeding it antibiotics and putting drops in its eyes while it slept on Joe.

It's official...it's part of the family now. The only thing we haven't done is name it - well actually, we haven't agreed on a name yet. I call it Psycho Kitty, Joe's been calling it Nero, Alex has been calling it Percy and Rowan and Donovan have been calling it Kitty.

So there you go. We'll have a cat with a split personality disorder on our hands soon enough. Here's some pics of the cute little guy:

A real charmer!

Oh yeah! I'm not sure if people have been following the debate on fb on the bjfic yahoo site but I think that both sides have valid points. (Of course, I haven't really read any bj fic lately so I'm not sure what the problem was).

My one problem with certain writers though is this: There are some writers who can write something everyday.

I can't do this. I mean, I can technically speaking, but I wouldn't want to post it. And I feel that some other writers have this affliction too.

Only the difference is that they post their writings.

Hey. I don't care. There are people who like that sort of thing and it's no skin off my back (ewww...where did that saying come from?). I just like to make sure what I put out there is something I could be proud of.

Yeah...don't laugh...even happy cannibals.

And when I say people who can post everyday, I'm not talking about people who write good fic AHEAD of time and then post a chapter every day or every other day. This means it was well thought out and written beforehand.

So...I've decided to try an experiment. I am going to set aside one half hour every night. (This will be my half hour in between checking to make sure Griffon's homework is done and reading to Rowan and Donovan). In that half hour, I will write.

Just write.

Not the good stuff (the stuff I should be writing - like Justin's Baby and an update of the cannibal fic - these I need quiet for and I'm just not getting it lately). But just write whatever comes into my head.

And then I'll post it and see what happens.

I'll call it my 'Badfic posting of the day.'

Just for fun.

Think of it as 'Adlibs on Acid' or something.

As always, you'll be allowed to leave whatever fb you want. To tell you the truth, you probably shouldn't even read it.

Could be fun. *shrugs shoulders*

If it's too much work to even write badfic, then we'll call that a failed experiment.

So here is my first entry in my bad fic experiment (I posted this a few days ago on lj - I wrote this when I still had my laptop - you can read more on my laptop woes further down the page).

I'm not posting this anywhere but HERE BTW (and lj). Not on bjfic.net, not on MW, nor on any of the comms.

I was watching the new Hitcher movie a few nights ago, the one with Sean Bean. So here you go.

And as usual, this is nothing like the movie. :)

Title: The Hitcher
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Genre: Badfic/Horror/Suspense
Rating: S for stupid
Summary: You've seen the movie. Come on. You haven't? Okay. Justin picks up more than he can handle (and I don't mean a raging case of herpes) when he picks up a hitchhiker. Chaos ensues.

Disclaimer: All this is true. Oh look! Elvis!

Statistics shows that on the highways of America, there are 42,000 deaths per year.

Give or take a few people.

Most of the numbers point to accidental death.

Someone falling asleep at the wheel. Too many drinks. Too many drugs. Potholes the size of a football field swallowing cars whole.

Roadkill big enough to actually take a car with them when they kicked the bucket. Everyone's seen what a full grown moose can do to a good size minivan.

But what of the other deaths? Of the deaths not spoken about in polite company and exploited in gruesome detail in not-so-polite company.

Who can people trust out there on the road, with the wind at your back, miles of road stretching out before you, possibly not a soul around for a miles. When your only companion is a road sign that says GAS NEXT 25 MILES.

And you've gotta go bad.

There are people out there, the kind of people most people don't like to speak about in polite company but idolize with glee in not-so-polite company. People who live to torment innocent motorists on their way to their destinations.

There are people who call these people 'people who live to torment innocent motorists.'

And then there are people who call those people who call these people 'people who live to torment innocent motorists' idiots.

Because people should never label people in polite company.

In the days of yore, these people, the ones who live to torment the innocent, were called highwaymen. But as times have progressed, the term 'highwaymen' has been attributed to the public works men, the men who make it possible for the highways of America to be driven. Which in fact if one thought about it long enough, these are the men who make it possible for those 42,000 deaths per year...indirectly.

But back to the people who live to torment the innocent...

These people who live to torment the innocent are not the opportunists scattered along the highway. These are not people who are desperate and find themselves in need of money or a car.

No.

The people...who live to torment the innocent...are truly twisted.

Always seeking their prey on America's highways.

This is the story of one such individual.

His name is Brian.

And he is the Hitcher.

TBC

So I did a spell-check and a quick beta cuz I still couldn't leave it as is. However, this took about half an hour to write so I'm on task. :)

You can leave me fb, but please be honest. But be gentle...cuz I'm fragile...

But be honest.

But gentle...

This is the latest news!!! Look!!!! I want to show you guys something that the wonderful and talented qafmaniac made for me!!!!

I gave her a plot bunny and some ideas.

See video here

*smooches Marita madly*

Thank you hon!!!!

Also, I'm writing this from my son's imac because I took my laptop in 2 days ago for the final service. I got the call today that it was more serious though than just the disk drive and the touch pad.

So hubby went onto ebay today and got me a totally awesome Powerbook!!!!!

But it won't be here for another few days. I tried doing my writing experiment on Griffon's imac but it's so hard. It's in a really public place in the house.

So it looks like my computer woes will be over shortly, but I'm impatient!!!

Hope everyone had a great Halloween! I sure did!

And speaking of Halloween,

The questions are up at my community the_other_slash. So even if you're not a member and you've watched the movie, come join in!!!!

A drive-by about Donovan, my keypad and whatnot...

2007-10-03T00:24:23Z

Hi all!

Yes, I am still here! My laptop has been fixed...sort of and I still have to use a mouse because the touch pad is toast. Still, I'm mobile again. For the time being. I need to take it to the Apple store to get it fixed completely.

BTW, when I say the laptop is 'fixed,' I mean we had to get a new keypad installed. When hubby called around, he was told to put the keypad into the oven at really really low temps and keep it in there to dry out.

So he did and then he put it back in and it was still toast. So he put it back in the oven and I said 'This is stupid. Get a new keypad or get me a new laptop.' So he ordered a new keypad and forgot that the old one was in the oven until...

Alex decided to make brownies and didn't check the oven. This is what a keypad looks like when it's been cooked:

Yep...it's toast.

Even though we're getting it fixed this week, I think I know what my Christmas prezzie is gonna be...:)

So I now have semi-laptop capacity today and tomorrow again which means I can write and such until I take it in. Using the iMac in the office is such a pain but I'm gonna give it a shot.

There are other things going on (mainly the kids and the shop) that I don't want to get into right now but it'll all be okay.

I've also requested to have some time just for me so I can write and communicate with everyone on lj (or ij or gj). I think I made my point clear.

Yeah...right.

I'll be spending time tonight responding back to my fb (I'm so behind...:P)

One quick thing before I go...

Under the cut is a piccie of Donovan in Griffon's Halloween costume.

I wish I could do the whole sepia tone thing and put a faux WANTED border around it. LOL!

I'll talk to you all soon.

Love and smooches!!!

Youtube and my laptop and pics of Donovan

2007-09-21T05:15:17Z

Hi there everyone!

I am not ignoring anybody! I promise. The kids decided to sabotage my laptop by accidentally pouring grapefruit soda onto it.

Well, okay, maybe not onto it, but near it which crept into it via the tablecloth. To make a long story short, I lost the use of my keypad and the mouse.

I've been using the iMac which we got for Griffon. But it's really fucking hard to write or create anything when you've got everyone coming up behind me. I'm sort of stuck in one spot here.

I discovered many fascinating things on youtube though while I've been here. Did you know they post whole movies on there? I'm in old horror movie heaven! I've watched Prom Night, Slaughter High (which still sucks and is the latest one made in 1987), House on Sorority Row and The Dorm That Dripped Blood. I love 'old' (old as in movies made in the 70's and early 80's) horror/slasher movies, when 'slash' meant the ole hack and well...slash. Did you know that they remade the wonderful 70's horror classic Black Christmas in 2006. They posted that one (the 2006) in its entirety. Don't bother with that one. The original (with Olivia Hussey and Margot Kidder) was much, much better. This was just a gory re-hash.

Also, we bought Deathproof, the second movie that was shown on the Grindhouse movie back in May. There was a trailer on it for a movie called Black Sheep, a horror movie and no, it wasn't a faux trailer - it's a real movie.

A horror movie.

About killer sheep.

No shit.

I found a trailer of the movie on youtube. You just have to see it.

Insane journal won't let me post the actual trailer so here's the link:

Black Sheep trailer

See what I mean?

Also, I bought Donovan's Halloween costume. I couldn't resist and the kid's crazy about everything Star Wars.

And of course, Rowan wanted to try it on also:

I've been running around for the past week going everywhere and trying to post, answering feedback and such and no one is cooperating with me.

Stupid busy RL. *pouts*

I had to grab the folding ladder from the shop tonight and bring Brandin home with me (one of our employees and my daughter's ex.) I know I've been watching too many horror films and clips when I looked at the ladder behind me in the Expedition:

Me: God, with that thing right behind me, I hope we don't have one of those accidents ala Final Destination.
Brandin: Ewwww...well we shouldn't.
Me: Don't be so sure. Probability is now high since one of the passengers in the car is a cute young male.

Yeah, Brandin certainly falls into the category of 'most likely to meet a horrible end' per the horror movie credo.

But we made it back in one piece.

I'm going to be writing hopefully (*crosses fingers*) tonight. I'm borrowing one of the girl's old laptops and taking it with me during one of my many errands.

Hope everything's good with everyone else.

Love you all, Maria.

I have an idea...

2007-09-17T05:10:50Z

I have this totally great idea for a Justin/Brian vid but I do not have the know how or the capability to make it!

*pulls out hair*

I talked to my daughter and she doesn't have the ability to do it either.

I think it would be PERFECT!

(Okay, well not perfect, but work with me here...)

Anywho, would someone who has this capability, like to work with me on it?

Pretty pretty please?

Brian/Justin Standalone "Justin's Very, Very, Very Excellent Day"

2007-09-14T01:33:29Z

So remember how I said Karma kicked me in the ass the other day by giving me cramps after I wrote Justin getting cramps in Justin's Baby?

I decided to try a little experiment...

I think you know what's coming. critic75 said I should write Justin winning the Lotto and wait for the money to roll in. I decided to go a few steps further...

So here's a little cracky standalone I call...

Justin's Very, Very, Very Excellent Day
Pairing: Brian/Justin; Justin/The Fellowship; Justin/Spike's coat
Rating: R I guess.
Warning: for silliness
Summary: Justin has a very very good day. YOU MUST READ THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH AND KNOW ABOUT MY KARMA EXPERIMENT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!!!

Disclaimer: I do not own the boys, the fellowship, Spike's coat, etc, etc...

"Oh God Brian. I think that was the best sex we've ever had!" Justin exclaimed after he came for the second time.

"I have to admit you're right," Brian said, trying to get up off the bed. "I'm glad we filmed it so you could enjoy watching it over and over and over again."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it," Justin said as he got up off the bed.

"Um, Sunshine, you might wanna put a robe on before you get that.""

This, coming from the man who opened the door for the Police Chief and their employer wearing nothing but a dishtowel." Justin put his sweats on and raced to the door, sliding it open all the way.

"I have a delivery for one Justin Taylor."

"That's me!"

"Sign here sir," the man droned as he handed Justin the tablet.

"What is it?" Justin said excitedly.

"I only deliver the packages sir. I don't look inside them." The man handed a package to Justin and left.

Justin opened the box and pulled out a long black coat.

"What is it?" Brian asked, wrinkling his nose, as he walked into the living area.

"Oh my God Brian!!!! Do you know what this is?" Justin shrieked as he held up the long coat.

"A ratty leather coat that's a few years out of date?" Brian smirked.

"It's Spike's coat! I mean...it's James Marster's coat! The one he wore when he was filming Buffy!" Justin inhaled the scent of the lining and sighed. "And it smells like him too." Justin quickly put the coat on. "It fits Brian! It fits."

"How do you know that's his coat?"

"Because it says right here. 'This was the coat worn by James Marsters during the sixth season of Buffy. Enjoy.'"

"And how do you know that's his smell? This seems like a hoax to me."

"I don't know Brian. I had a feeling this would be my day and I think this coat was his."

"Justin," Brian sighed as he turned the television set on.

"And now for the winning lotto numbers," the television set blared out, "after this announcement."

"Oh, turn this up Brian. I bought a ticket yesterday," Justin squealed.

"Why the fuck did you do that?" Brian sighed again. "That's such a waste of money."

"It was a whopping one dollar Brian! One dollar could win you two-hundred-eight million!"

"One dollar a starving college student can't really afford," Brian smiled.

"I'm hardly starving Brian," Justin retorted in his 'duh' voice.

"That's for sure," Brian said as he pinched the side of Justin's waist and then turned it into a tickling match.

"Stop! Stop! The numbers are on," Justin said and watched as the six numbers were displayed on the television set.

"Oh my God! Brian! Brian! I won!!! I won!!!!" Justin shrieked as he started jumping up and down in the living area.

"No shit," Brian said with a furrowed brow.

Before Justin could react again, there was a knock at the door. When Brian answered, he saw a basket lying on the ground with a note saying FOR JUSTIN.

"This better not be a fucking baby," Brian muttered.

Brian opened the basket and saw a large chocolate molten dessert with a huge scoop of cold ice cream. The second note said EAT ME.

"Hey Alice. Someone wants you to eat this cake!"

"Oh my God! That's my most favorite dessert in the world!!!" Justin grabbed a spoon off the counter and went to start eating the huge concoction.

"Hold on a minute there. You don't know where this came from."

"I don't care." Justin then dug his spoon into the tempting treat and gobbled the thing down right in front of Brian.

"Do you know how many calories you just consumed with that thing?"

Justin rubbed his belly. He walked into the bathroom and got on the scale.

Justin took one look at the scale and screamed.

Brian came running into the bathroom. "I told you. You had to get on the scale, didn't you?"

"Brian! It's not what you think! I know what I weighed this morning. I just got on the scale after eating that thing and I lost weight. And look! It cleared up my skin!!!!"

"Well fuck that. Was there another piece of cake in there?"

Just then, another knock sounded at the door.

"Hold on, I'm answering the door," Brian said as he pushed past Justin.

Brian reached for the handle and pulled the door open.

Standing on the threshold was the Fellowship.

Brian raised one eyebrow. "Can I help you?"

"We have followed our quest and come seeking the Sunshine," Aragorn said regally.

"Right this way," Brian said. "Oh Sunshine!" Brian called out in a sing-song voice. "There are some people here to see you." Brian looked back at the people standing in his loft. "You're gonna love this."

Justin walked in and stopped as he took in the scene in front of him.

"Um...hi," Justin waved nervously.

Aragorn ran over to Justin. "I seek to plant my sword in your sheath."

Brian leaned in to whisper in Justin's ear. "That means he wants to fuck you."

Boromir ran up at this moment. "And I will lend my sword alongside my fellow warrior."

"Oooh," Brian said as he licked his lips. "Some DP action..."

"And I wish you to stroke my bow," Legolas said. "And after our coupling is past, Aragorn, Boromir and myself shall couple with each other for hours for your amusement."

"And what will the rest of the Fellowship be doing while we're in a foursome?" Justin asked in a daze.

"Waiting their turn, of course," Aragorn said as he shook his head.

"Please, tell me, Gandalf and the dwraf aren't here. Or oh God! Frodo," Justin exclaimed worriedly.

"Nay," Boromir said, "they could not come, but Eomer, Haldir and Faramir have decided to come in their place. Does that meet with your approval?"

Justin looked over to where the three men stood and waved.

"Oh fuck yeah! So what are we waiting for?" Justin said and made for the bedroom.

Just then, another knock came at the door.

"Brian? Could you get that?" Justin said. "I'm gonna be a little busy."

"Yeah, sure, it'll probably be the cast from Deliverance for me," Brian muttered as he opened the door to a man standing in a cheap suit.

"Mr. Justin Taylor? Are you Mr. Justin Taylor?"

Brian looked back at the bedroom where he could hear moans of pleasure. "No, but I wish I was right now. What can I do for you?"

Brian tried to cough to cover up the loud noises coming from the bedroom.

"I'm with the IRS."

Brian furrowed his brows. "Is Justin in trouble?"

"No," the man laughed.

Something he obviously didn't do very often. "We've decided that Mr. Taylor shouldn't have to pay taxes."

"Come again?" Brian said. Brian looked back when he heard someone scream. "It looks like someone has too."

"Mr. Taylor does not have to pay taxes...at all...ever again."

"That's what I thought you said. Well, I'll pass that message onto him," Brian said nodding.

Brian coughed again to cover up an 'Oh my God' that came from the bedroom.

"Thank you." Brian watched as the man left. As he turned to walk into the bedroom, he caught a wink Eomer threw his way.

Brian walked into the bedroom to be met with a very erotic scene. Justin was splayed out on their bed, a look of bliss evident on his face, while Aragorn and Boromir were conducting their own quest in Legolas' ass.

"Oh God Brian," Justin moaned.

He then moaned again when he realized he had woken up. Justin shot up from bed and wiped the sleep from his eyes. "Brian! Brian!"

Brian woke with a start. "What? What is it?" Brian ran his hand through his hair. "Another nightmare?"

"No Brian. It was like the best dream in the whole world. Oh God! I won the Lotto...and Spike's coat...and my favorite dessert and I wasn't gaining weight...and the IRS guy and oh God!!! The Fellowship. The Fellowship was here," Justin said excitedly as he bounced on the bed.

"What were they doing here?" Brian asked. "Wait," Brian said and scratched his head, "what Fellowship?"

"You know, from the Lord of the Rings movie."

"Oh...silly me. What were they doing here?"

"They were having sex with me," Justin said dreamily.

"Oh," Brian said. "Oh! Ewww...you didn't have it with that Frodo freak, did you?"

"Brian," Justin sighed, "I said it was a dream, not a nightmare!!!"

-Fin-

Okay, I love fb. I will get back to it. I must run off to my son's curriculum night now. God how I hate those!!!

I just gotta see this movie!!!

2007-09-13T02:14:27Z

This is such a Maria-type movie.

I so so so want to see it!!!!

Okay, so it won't let me put the youtube video here so I'll just put the link to the trailer.

*grumbles about stupid ij*

Fido trailer

"Justin's Baby" Chapter 5 Brian/Justin

2007-09-07T00:21:59Z

So here it is!

Chapter 5! Can I hear a Woo-hoo!?!?!

This felt like giving birth since I was in and out of being sick while trying to complete it. :)

I want to say thank you thank you to my beta, shadownyc for reading it over and correcting my mistakes (especially since my 'a' button on my laptop keeps sticking).

Will be cross-posted to my other journals, MW and the bjfic journal sites.

Title: Justin's Baby
Chapter 5
Pairing: Justin/Brian
Genre: Bad!fic, crack!fic - I dunno - take your pic - I don't really give a shit.
Rating: Mature
Warnings: God, where do I even begin? Sacrilege, demon worship, mPreg, bad language, drugged sex, bad!fic, crack!fic and mentions of the high cost of housing.
Summary: Based very loosely on Rosemary's Baby. Justin gets more than he bargained for when he moves into the apartment of his dreams.

Disclaimers: Don't own Cowlip or the boys. Also, I do like Pin Coladas, I always get caught in the rain (hey! It's the Pacific NW), I'm not into yoga and I do have half a brain. Two halves to be exact and the right one and the left one are constantly at war with each other.

Thanks go to fiercediva for the icon and poster. Thank you babe! *smooches*

BTW - the first 4 chapters link back to my lj. Chapter 5 and on will link to their respective journals.
Chapter 1 - Justin follows a lead
Chapter 2 - Justin Moves In
Chapter 3 - Justin Meets Brian
Chapter 4 - Justin Gets Ready to Eat Dinner

Chapter 5

"Another beautiful Sunday here in Pittsburgh, the rare Indian Summer weather making it a lovely and warm day to spend with your loved ones...blah blah blahdy blah blah...does anyone even watch the news on a Sunday morning? I mean come on?!""

"Phil!"

Justin woke up to the sound of Phil, the weatherman’s voice, but couldn't understand where it was coming from. It sounded as if it was right inside his apartment. He got up after wiping the sleep from his eyes and walked into the living room, noticing Phil's voice carrying louder and louder until he confronted the source - a television set that was currently on, sitting on his coffee table.

"So this is Pittsburgh's own Phil, saying enjoy the day. Cause hey, you never know, it could be your last."

Justin stood in front of the television set, staring down at the morning news.

"So, was that upbeat enough for you guys?" Phil asked looking off set.

"'Cause it may be your last?" the anchorman snickered. "Bleep Phil! That was hardly upbeat."

"Hey guys, we're still rolling," someone off set said.

Justin watched as the anchorman turned completely white while Phil smiled condescendingly in the background. "Oh Bleep! I swore on national television. Oh Bleep. I just did it again. Bleep! Bleep!"

"Don't worry, we bleeped it Kenny. But...we're still rolling," the same person off set said.

The anchorman turned to the front and smiled a thousand watt (no doubt capped teeth) smile for the camera. "And now for some serious news. A man was found partially eaten by his dog..."

And still, Justin continued to stare down at the television set.

"I don't remember leaving the T.V. on last night," Justin said while he scratched his head. "Then again, if I remember correctly, I don't remember actually having a television set either."

Just as Justin was contemplating where the mysterious television set could have come from, there was a knock at the door.

"Coming!" Justin yelled out. Justin ran to the door, flung it open and came face to face with Debbie.

"Debbie, hey!" Justin waved. "How nice to see you...again," Justin added and winced. He crossed his arms over his naked chest protectively.

"Hey Sunshine. Oh good! I see you got the T.V."

"Um yeah, do you know how it got here?" If Debbie told him it had been the apartment elves in the middle of the night, he wouldn't have been surprised.

"Of course I do honey," Debbie laughed and shook her head. "Now you sit right down and I'll get your breakfast heated up."

Justin shook his head. He knew the proper chain of events should have been Debbie explaining next how she knew about the television set, not breakfast. God! Did everything revolve around food with this woman? "Breakfast? Debbie, how did the T.V. get here?" Justin exclaimed.

"Ben brought it in. I had an extra one and thought you might like it," Debbie shrugged.

Well that explains everything.

"Ben...an extra? You just had an extra...wait a minute...Ben was here while I was sleeping?" Justin shrieked.

He hoped he hadn't been snoring, or worse, drooling. Or moaning or having a wet dream or any number of the embarrassing things one does in their sleep.

"Oh honey," Debbie cooed, "Don't fret. We're all family around here. You'll get used to it. Now sit down. I made you some waffles and breakfast sausage."

"Debbie! You can't keep cooking for me. I'll be fine," Justin said in exasperation.

"I don't mind sweetie," Debbie said as she patted the side of Justin's face.

"And the T.V...."

"It's fine baby, really," Debbie said with a smile. Debbie looked into the sink and saw the lasagna pan soaking in what used to be hot sudsy water. "Finished off the whole pan, didya? I hope that means you liked it?" she chuckled.

"Huh?" Justin said in confusion and looked to where Debbie was looking. A smirk graced Justin's face. "Yeah, I um...ate the whole thing. It was really good Debbie. Thank you."

"I heard you had Ethan over last night," she continued. "Did he help you?"

"Um, he did, then he had to go," Justin said, not wanting to insult Debbie's cooking by telling her what happened after Ethan took a bite. Honestly, he didn't know what had come over the violinist. The lasagna had been wonderful!

"Yeah, well, he's cute, but odd, really odd," Debbie snickered.

The saying 'the pot calling the kettle black' popped into Justin's head out of nowhere.

Debbie set a plate full of waffles and breakfast sausage down in front of Justin. "Eat up! I get these sausage from this great place in between Pittsburgh and Philly. This maple and brown sugar blend is the best." Debbie pinched Justin's cheek. "You don't look like you've eaten a decent meal in forever."

Justin sat down at the table and sighed. It was true. He hadn't been taking care of himself like he should have since getting kicked out of the house. It was rather nice to have Debbie looking out for him.

Right as he was about to put a piece of waffle in his mouth, he felt a sharp pain in his lower abdomen.

"Oh," Justin said and dropped the fork.

"Justin, what's the matter?" Debbie asked, a look of concern marring her jovial face.

"Nothing. I just felt...oh...there it is again." Another sharp pain stabbed him in the abdomen, this time stronger than the last one. "Oh God, that hurts!"

"Justin...baby," Debbie said as she ran her hand along Justin's back.

Another pain hit him again, followed by another and another.

Debbie tried to soothe the young man by continuing to rub his back gently.

She knew what was happening to Justin and she felt guilty, but the pain would eventually pass.

And everything would start going into motion.

Justin grabbed his stomach and started to get up, "I need to lay down."

"No sit here honey. I'll get you something for the pain," Debbie said while pushing Justin back down into the chair.

"Oh God, it hurts!" Justin said once again and doubled over. The mother of all the stabbing pains just hit, blindsiding Justin once again. It felt as if someone were twisting his insides. He clutched at his stomach as if to ward away whatever was doing this terrible thing to him. And just as he was about to yell out once more in pain, it stopped.

It just stopped.

"It stopped, Debbie. It just stopped," Justin said as he sat up straighter and looked around.

"Okay, but I'm going to give you some aspirin anyway."

"Not Tylenol. I'm allergic," Justin yelled back.

"Not Tylenol. Don't worry," Debbie said as she grabbed the two white capsules from her apron pocket that she had armed herself with before she came up, snickering when she thought 'definitely not Tylenol although I hope he's not allergic to Midol.' "Here take this Sunshine," she said as she handed the pills over to Justin.

Justin swallowed down the two capsules and drank the water Debbie had proffered.

'He should be okay for the next six to seven hours,' Debbie thought.

"That was so weird," Justin said as he sat back down at the table and started to eat his breakfast.

"I know honey, I know," Debbie said as she stroked Justin's hair, the little ball of guilt sitting in her gut growing steadily larger and larger.

If she hadn't been bound for Hell before, she most certainly would be now. But then, what did it matter.

All her friends would be there anyway.

It was midday when Justin decided to go snooping around the building. It felt like he met almost everybody, but he knew he hadn't yet. He landed on the third floor and saw a woman in a very smart skirt and shirt standing at the door jamb.

"Hi! You're Justin, right?" the woman said as she called out to him.

"Yes," Justin said and smiled. "I know you," he said as recognition took hold. "You work at that gallery, down on Front Street..."

"Lindsay," the woman said as she held out a perfectly manicured hand. Everything screamed WASP to Justin about the woman. His mother and she were cut from the same mold right down to their impeccable country club manners. "Would you like to come in? Meet my partner?"

"Yes," Justin smiled.

Justin walked into the tastefully decorated apartment. It was neat and clean and there was a place for everything.

"Melanie, honey, come out and meet our new neighbor," Lindsay called out.

Justin looked up quickly when he had heard the woman call out her name. A woman?

Okay, maybe not cut from the same mold as his mother.

"Melanie, sweetie, there you are, come say hello to Justin," Lindsay said sweetly.

Justin looked at the woman standing in front of him. She had long dark curly hair and was sporting a floral covered, flowing dress, a vapid smile etched across her face.

"Well, hello," Melanie said. "I just made some cookies. Would you like some?"

Looking at the woman, he couldn't help but see an image of the perfect domestic goddess cross his mind. Even his mother would make fun of this woman.

"Actually, I'm not very hungry. Debbie cooked me this huge breakfast."

"I bet she did," Melanie said while continuing to smile vacantly. "She is such a treasure. I look to her for all the answers to my domestic dilemmas. She's a true paragon of all women like myself."

"Melanie," Lindsay continued, a sudden head twitch visible, "This is Justin...Justin Taylor. Justin this is my partner, Melanie Marcus."

"Melanie Marcus. I know I've heard that name before," Justin said. He continued to look at the woman, trying to remember where he had heard the name before.

"Sit down. Where are my manners?" Melanie exclaimed and led Justin to the couch. "You sit right here, I have something in the oven to attend to." Melanie whisked away to the kitchen.

"She's very um...nice," Justin said.

"Yes," Lindsay said, "She is, isn't she?" Lindsay turned to look in the direction of the kitchen and sighed. "Do you know where you heard the name before? Her name, I mean?"

Justin nodded his head. "I remember hearing it during one of the topics of current events in my poli-sci class in high school. It's just..."

"She was this amazing lawyer. She led the landmark Krueger vs Krueger case."

"That's it!" Justin exclaimed.

"Set a precedent for all same sex partner marriages and child custody cases. She was brilliant," Lindsay finished and Justin detected another head twitch.

"That...that woman in there...was...is Melanie Marcus?" Justin exclaimed.

"Yes, after that, she decided...well...we...that is I," Lindsay sighed, "decided she needed to settle down. She was pregnant you know. I was worried about the baby."

"Oh! I didn't know she was...is...um..."

"So she settled down. Had I known she would turn into a cross between Doris Day and Betty fucking Crocker, well...It's just like the story of the monkey's paw. You know, be careful what you wish for," Lindsay chuckled. "Monkey's paw," Lindsay said and laughed again. "Now that's funny."

Justin ignored the strange glazed look accompanied by a head twitch coming from the laughing woman. "What...what happened to the baby?"

"Oh, she had the baby. Our son is around here somewhere," Lindsay said off-handedly and laughed again.

Just then, a little furry thing strolled into the room, wearing toddler clothes.

"Oh how cute!" Justin exclaimed as he looked down at the pet monkey. "I guess pets are allowed in the building, huh?"

"That's our son," Lindsay said and yawned. "Meet Mikey Jr, our son."

"Oh," Justin winced. "He's um...cute."

"Oh please," Lindsay droned, "He's a monkey."

"And the father would be...?" Justin asked with trepidation.

"Debbie's son, Michael. You might have met him. Whiny little shit. The kid takes after him," Lindsay said. Just as Lindsay was about to elaborate, Melanie whisked in again, an icing drenched bundt cake on a tray resting on her hand.

"Look! Didn't it come out perfect?!" Melanie rested the bundt cake down on the coffee table in front of Justin. "Did you know that bundt cake was invented in 1950 by David Dalquist?" Melanie looked down at the cake and hummed to herself.

"Really?" Justin said, "No I didn't know that. That's a bit of um...completely useless trivia."

"I try to stay on top of things," Melanie said as she nodded her head and stared vacantly into space.

Just as Justin was about to get up and leave, Mikey Jr. jumped up on top of his head and started to pick through his hair.

"Mikey! Bad boy!" Lindsay scolded the child. "Get off that boy's head."

"Oh, boys will be boys!" Melanie laughed and clapped her hands. "I bet you were just like that."

"No," Justin said and got up, "No, I don't remember landing on people's heads and sifting through their hair for lice. No, I can say with complete certainty that I didn't do that..."

"We're so sorry," Lindsay said embarrassedly. Her head gave another tiny involuntary shake.

"Well, I really should be off," Justin said as he made his way for the door quickly.

Olympic sprinters had nothing on him at the moment.

"Yes, I have to get to the gallery. You know, someone has to pay the bills," Lindsay ground out.

"And our toilets don't clean themselves," Melanie sing-songed.

"Good luck with that," Justin said as he turned the knob, opened the door and tried to make his escape. Just then, another one of those sharp pains hit him in his lower abdomen again. He stopped as he gripped the handle. "Oh..."

"Justin, is there something wrong?" Lindsay asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Justin said as the pain went away. "Oh!" Justin exclaimed again as another pain hit him. This one stronger than before. "No," Justin choked out as another pain hit him again and then another.

These were far more aggressive and hurting more than the ones from the morning. They were coming faster and stronger; his insides truly feeling as if someone were twisting them this way and that. "I need to sit...ohhhhh," Justin said as he made a mad dash for the couch.

"What does it feel like honey?" Lindsay asked as she sat next to Justin, taking his hand into hers.

"Twisting...and pain...and oh God...like no pain I've ever felt...worst pain in the...world...and it won't stop," Justin gasped out as he doubled over while Lindsay's hand was moving in circles on his back.

"Menstrual cramps," Melanie nodded. "I'll get the Midol."

Justin laughed while wincing in pain, the laugh coming out more like a sob. "In case...oh God...you haven't noticed...uhhhhh...I'm a guy," Justin said, and a little broken whimper came out.

"I know cramps when I see them," Melanie said.

"Honey," Lindsay said in exasperation, "why don't you get some water."

"And the Midol," Melanie said.

"You just don't get it," Justin said and gritted his teeth as another pain rolled over him in one big wave. "I have a cock lady! A cock! A cock!" Justin yelled hysterically and then whimpered again as the next sharp pain overtook all his senses.

"Impressionable ears!" Melanie exclaimed as she put her hands over Mikey Jr.'s ears. "Now where did I put that Midol?" Melanie said to herself as she left the room.

"It's like there's no one there," Justin said in awe and doubled over again as another pain hit.

"Yes, it is, isn't it?" Lindsay agreed. "Honey, I'm really worried about you." Lindsay looked up at the open doorway as she heard voices in the hall. "Emmett!" Lindsay exclaimed as she shot up off the couch and went to the man passing through. "Do you know where...oh good...Ted! Come in! Come in! Quickly."

"What's this about?" Emmett asked and then saw Justin on the couch. "Oh hiya baby!" Emmett said excitedly as he walked to Justin.

Justin answered by groaning in pain.

"What's wrong with him?" Emmett asked with a furrowed brow.

Ignoring Emmett, Lindsay turned to Ted. "Ted! You're a doctor. Check him out."

"Dammit Lindsay, I'm an OB! I'm not trained for this sort of thing," Ted said dramatically.

"Sure you are," Melanie said as she drifted back into the room. "They're just cramps, silly."

"Oh, look," Ted droned, "we've crossed over into Stepford county."

"Oh honey! Your dress is fabulous!" Emmett squealed.

"Do you have to encourage her?" Ted said under his breath to Emmett.

"Look, she may be...well...what she is," Emmett said as he waved his hand at Melanie, "but you must admit, since the change, her fashion sense has improved."

Justin groaned again and then lay down along the full length of the couch. "Oh God! It hurts so much," Justin sobbed out. There was no relief from the pain. It was getting worse.

"Ted, what if it's his appendix?" Lindsay asked, never taking her eyes off the distressed boy.

Ted leaned over, lifted Justin's shirt slightly, pressed down on the side of his stomach a few times and then looked up. "Nope. Not his appendix." Ted looked down at Justin, "I'll send you my bill." Ted turned as if to make for the door when Lindsay stopped him.

"Ted!"

"That boy needs medical attention," Ted said as he pointed to Justin. "I'm going to get the car and we'll take him to the hospital."

"I'm telling you...all he needs is some Midol," Melanie said.

Justin gasped in pain causing everyone to look down at him as he writhed on the couch, arching his back up and off the furniture as if the cushions were burning him. "Please...the pain...too much..."

It was at that particular moment in time that Joe decided to wander in. "What's up with Skippy?" Joe asked as he looked down at the whimpering boy.

Just as Lindsay and Ted were about to go into how they felt absolutely helpless, Justin stopped writhing and sat up. "It's gone," Justin said as he looked around. "Just like that," he said and snapped his fingers. "It's gone," and then he smiled.

"Menstrual cramps are like that," Melanie said as she nodded.

"Should she really be nodding her head like that? She might dislodge something," Ted droned.

"It's me," Joe said as he pointed to himself. "I'm a real calming influence." Everyone ignored Joe except for Mikey Jr., who started to raise himself off the floor by pulling up on Joe's leg. "Hey! Can someone take care of Curious George here!"

Lindsay was about to respond to Joe when everyone turned to the sound of a scream they could hear coming from just outside the window.

"Oh my lord," Emmett gasped as everyone rushed to the window. "Was that Ethan that just fell past the window?" Emmett was the first to look down at the sidewalk where he knew Ethan would be lying when they watched as Ethan passed their window again, only this time going up.

"Hey!" Ted said, "He fell and landed on that trampoline that's on the back of that truck that's in front of the building."

"Help me!" Ethan yelled again as he passed the window a third time, only plummeting down to the sidewalk.

"What do we do?" Justin asked worriedly.

"He'll be fine as long as that truck doesn't," Joe started and then winced. "Oh...the truck moved. Yeah...he's a splatter on the sidewalk."

"We need to call 911," Justin yelled.

"No. I'd say we should call the coroner," Ted remarked.

"Hey, that's a public sidewalk so I don't have to clean the mess up," Joe said with a smile.

"What's the phone number for the coroner?" Lindsay asked.

"Just call the city dump. They'll take care of it...and they'll be a lot quicker too," Joe said.

"Does this mean we're rid of that dreadful music finally," Emmett clapped happily.

"What's the matter with all of you?!?!" Justin shrieked. "A man...a violinist...a talented musician..."

"You obviously haven't listened to him play enough," Ted laughed.

"...a man just died. He fell," Justin sputtered while pointing at the ceiling causing everyone to look up at where he was pointing, "From the roof!!!"

"He allegedly fell from the roof Skippy," Joe said.

"Where the fuck else would he fall from?" Justin yelled. "And how can you all be so callous?!?!"

Lindsay looked around guiltily and Emmett followed suit. "Maybe we should have a moment of silence for the poor boy," she said and looked down. Everyone was quiet for a minute until Joe interrupted them.

"Well, there's my moment of silence. I'll go disperse the crowd down below," Joe said as he clapped his hands.

"You're all," Justin started and then stopped when he felt another abdominal pain. This one hit him especially hard and he doubled over onto the floor. "No, not now. Not in front of these people...hurts...too much..."

Justin writhed on the floor while Lindsay kneeled down to stroke his hair and Emmett looked squarely at Ted. "Do something! You're a doctor."

"I don't...what can I?" Ted sputtered. "I'll get the car and we'll take him to the emergency room."

Justin continued to whimper and squirm on the floor as the pain continued to work its way through his abdomen but this time it didn't stop at just that. It was followed by intense burning and just when he thought he would pass out from the pain, he could hear someone else enter the room, a commanding voice that asked, “What the fuck is going on here?” and footsteps which stopped and hovered right above him. Justin could feel himself being lifted up off the floor and pinned to a chest - a warm, soothing chest.

"Shh...I've got ya...I've got ya," the voice said over and over again. And the feeling in Justin's body started to return to normal - the pain easing away, not like the first few times when it happened and it had just stopped, but slowly easing away. Every fiber of his body seemed to relax under the intense strain of the pain. He could feel his breathing evening out and the touch of the man he was pinned to rubbing gentle and calming circles all along his back.

Justin looked up into the face of the man who had calmed him down and saw Brian, his furrowed brows knit together in confusion and something else. Something he thought might look a little bit like concern. "I'm...I'm okay now. Thank you," Justin said and smiled.

Brian smiled back. He then looked up at all the people looking down at him, various expressions of shock lighting their faces.

All except Joe, who stood there smirking.

"You'll be okay now?" Brian said and released Justin quickly.

"I think so," Justin smiled again. "Oh!" Justin exclaimed and jumped up, "Ethan! Ethan's dead. He fell from the roof."

Brian shrugged. "He was odd that way. We won't have to listen to that fucking music now at least."

"That's what I said!" Emmett said exasperatedly. "My momma always said to look on the bright side of things."

Brian looked back at Justin who stood in the middle of the room, winked once and left out the front door.

"I'll never understand that man," Justin said as he shook his head.

"Debbie! Debbie!" Brian yelled as he walked into Debbie's apartment.

"Brian," Vic said. "So am I correct in assuming that this barging into our happy little home at any moment's notice will now be a recurring event? I just want to know...you know," Vic shrugged, "to make sure I'm decent at the time."

"When was the last time you were decent?" Brian snickered.

"What the fuck is it now?" Debbie asked as she came out of the kitchen. "And by the way," she said as she came barreling toward Brian, her finger wagging in the air and pinning him against the wall, "Would it have hurt you to romance the kid? Instead...instead...you kill Ethan! I am so disappointed in you Brian."

Ignoring Debbie, Brian went on. "It's working. I saw Justin...it's working. The changes have begun."

"I know," Debbie said as she shook her head. "I saw him this morning. I'd give it another two weeks...and you can go ahead as planned."

Brian looked at Debbie, turned away and sighed deeply.

"What? What Brian?!" Debbie shrieked. "You got what you want!"

Brian turned around abruptly, winced and sighed again. "Yeah, but did you have to make it hurt him so much?!?!?!"

Debbie and Vic looked at Brian incredulously. The devil himself, the master of all evil, the king of the underworld, feeling worry for a boy he had just met.

Debbie thought it very funny.

But it wasn't.

TBC

Yes, that is definitely Phil the weatherman from one of my favorite movies, Groundhog Day starring one of my favorite actors, Bill Murray.

You know how I feel about fb. Actually, if you lurk and you're reading, let me know anyway; it lets me know who's still reading this. :)

Drive by post

2007-09-06T19:06:48Z

Hi!

*waves*

I know I've been MIA for awhile (since my birthday). Sorry bout that. Remember how sick I was in the beginning of August? It just never went away and then it became worse. And when I'm sick, I don't really like to write and I can't even seem to get up enough brain cells to read.

I thought for sure I was able to hold food down and then Wham! But I've been okay for about a week now (no coughing or anything else *shudders*). I've just been incredibly busy catching up on the house, the shop, the paperwork and shopping for the kids.

Speaking of the evil spawn, two of them are in school right now. Rowan starts on Monday (Kindergarten started later than everyone else) and the girls (Mallory and Alex) don't start college for another two weeks.

That'll leave just me and Donovan for most of the day soon.

*sighs*

Also, I now have 3 different journal accounts so beware to anyone who is a friend on those flists! It will look like me spamming everytime I post anything! I just sent the fifth chapter of Justin's Baby to my beta last night, so it looks like I'll be posting that tonight.

There are some people I must respond to who left me fb and I will get to that today. I'll always respond back. I haven't kept up at all with my flist so I hope all is well with everyone.

Also, I know I missed quite a few birthdays. I'm sorry. To anyone who's had a birthday, Happy Happy Birthday to you!!!! *hugs*

Talk to you soon.

My Complete Fic List!!!!

2007-08-24T23:35:40Z

So here is my Complete Fic List.

It leads you back to my livejournal, but all the fic is unlocked. Until I figure out how to post all my fic here WITHOUT spamming the holy shit out of people, just go there.

If you would like to leave feedback and don't have a lj account, just leave fb here.

Justin's Baby

WIP Crackish. My current...ahem...baby. Mpreg. Justin gets a new apartment and a little more than he bargained for.

Thanks go to fiercediva for the wonderful banner.

Chapter 1 - Justin follows a lead
Chapter 2 - Justin Moves In
Chapter 3 - Justin Meets Brian
Chapter 4 - Justin Gets Ready to eat Dinner
Chapter 5 - Justin Gets a Heavy Dose of the Folks

QaF Cannibal Story:

WIP. CrackFic. Yes, this is the cannibal story. Each chapter can stand on its own but it's not finished and I do plan on finishing it. Debbie makes sausage out of people with the help of her clan which includes her adopted son Brian. Justin and Ethan stumble upon this clan. Chaos and fun ensue.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16

Standalones in the Cannibal!verse:

In Ted's Room

Justin's POV while going through Ted's room.

Conversations at Muncher Villa

Written for critic75's birthday. The tenants at Mel and Lind's have a little game of cards and conversation.

Leanne and Bunny Go on a Little Road Trip

Written for alicesprings and happier_bunny. What happens when these two go through the hamlet that the gang occupies.

Xie goes to save Bunny and Leanne

Written for xie_xie_xie's birthday. Xie goes to find out what happened to Leanne and Bunny.

It Happened in Jersey

Written in response to all the mermaid fics that had come out at the time. Fight fire with fire I always say.

Gio and RC's Most Excellent Adventure

Written for paddies and mclachlan's birthdays. Gio and RC meet up with the clan on their way through the hamlet.

Series

Something Seriously Amiss

Complete. Crackfic-ish. This is the body swap story that takes place in S5. Some people find it funny.

Part 1
Part 2a
Part 2b
Part 3

A Christmas Gift for Justin

Complete. Angsty, humorous fic. Brian is very interested in two travelers to Pittsburgh.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Through a Mirror, Darkly

Complete. Angsty story. Things take a strange turn after the last scene in episode 217. Now you can read it in it's entirety. Right here. There is a spoiler warning at the top of the page.

banner by the wonderful skywalkersdream

Chapter 1 Brian comes home from Chicago
Chapter 2 Brian tries to get some answers
Chapter 3 Brian confronts the blond in his loft
Chapter 4 Brian runs into Kip
Chapter 5 Brian learns who Justin is
Chapter 6 Brian and Michael learn more
Chapter 7 Brian gets some answers from Justin
Chapter 8 Brian goes back to the loft
Chapter 9 Brian talks to Lindsay
Chapter 10 Brian goes to the diner
Chapter 11 Brian reflects on the situation with Ben
Chapter 12 Brian keeps looking for answers
Chapter 13 Brian learns some hard truths
Chapter 14 Brian remembers something
Chapter 15 Brian fucks up
Chapter 16 Brian talks to Daphne
Chapter 17 Brian finds out about Justin
Chapter 18 Brian gets help
Chapter 19 Brian reaches out to Justin
Chapter 20 Brian goes to the Baths
Chapter 21 Brian talks to Mikey<
Chapter 22 Brian shoots the shit with Joe
Chapter 23 Brian and the boys go see Jo
Chapter 24 Brian meets the Guardian
Chapter 25 and Epilogue

Stories in the Toy!verse:

The Toy

Humorous ficlet. This is just a story utilizing the toy. You'll see.

A Queer as Folk Toy Story

This is the story in the toy!verse that started it all. Waffle and Mr. Blik get more than an eyeful when they spend the day at the loft.

A Queer as Folk Toy Story 2: The return of Blik and Waffle

This is the second in the toy!verse and also the one that will confirm my placement in the nut house. Oh yes, I'm going to hell...

Brian/Justin standalones:

Going Home with the Middle-Aged Guy

Crack!fic-ish. My first QaF story and it's extremely snarky. Justin goes home with that guy in episode 101, the guy who is only known as the 'middle-aged guy' in the credits, when he asks about where's a good place to go.

Lightbulbs

Very Short Ficlet when Justin was living with Debbie and how Brian felt about the whole thing.

QaF Will Now be Airing on the Sci Fi Channel

Crackish short ficlet. I never did understand how long Melanie's gestation period really was.

Hamsters and Popsicle Porn

Humorous Ficlet. What Michael, Emmett and Ted uncover when snooping around Brian's computer. No hamsters were harmed in the writing of this fic. And get your minds out of the gutter!!!

At Night When the Monsters Come Out

Angsty Ficlet. Vic's observations about the boys when Justin is living at Debbie's.

QaF Will be Airing on the Sci Fi Channel, Take Two

Crackfic. Mpreg. My take on the whole mpreg thing.

The Patron Saint that Watches over all School Boys' Uniforms

Humorous Ficlet. Did you know they have a patron saint for just about everything? Justin plays Brian favorite game.

Pictures in Color

Angsty Ficlet. My take on how Craig might see his son's new preference.

A Night at the Liberty Baths

Humorous Fic. Written for the Dare challenge back in September 2006. Two detectives question two of the gang to find out exactly what happened one night at the baths.

Penguins in the Closet

Angsty Fic. Written for the qaf_challenge Hurt/Comfort challenge. Brian watching over Justin as he sleeps around episode 203 and 204.

Why Dance Without Music?

Angsty Fic. 202 gapfiller. Brian's thoughts after Mikey opened his big mouth and said 'you always danced with Justin.'

The Road Warrior

Crackfic. Written for the qaf_challenge What if challenge. What if Brian and Justin were part of a post-apocalyptic world. And how does Ted fit into all this?

A series of 4 Dialogue only Drabbles

4 drabbles written for the qaf_drabbles community during the 'dialogue only' challenge.

How Justin Came to be back in the Pitts

Short fic. Written for everyone for Mother's Day. Justin surprises Jen on Mother's Day. Brian's even in this one.

Numb

Angsty, dark humor. Written after someone suggested I should do something with my original fic, A Day Like Any Other, in the Brian/Justin vein. So here it is. Justin talks to the dead. What happens when Jack comes along?

What People Say

Short angsty. Written for the icon challenge over at qaf_challenge. Brian's POV on what people have said to him.

Other Pairings

The Many Loves of Emmett

Crack-ish. A series of xover ficlets (not really drabbles) about Emmett and his many loves.

Gale/Randy RPS

My Life as a Gofer, Take Two

Humorous Ficlet. I brought my OMC, Phil, back. This time, he's playing with Gale and Randy.

Waking Gale

One shot. Just what do Gale and Randy think of RPS?

James/David RPS

Spangel was my first fandom. :P

My Life as a Gofer

James Marsters/David Boreanaz RPS
Crack!fic - the boys relationship as seen through the eyes of Phil, an OMC.
Each chapter stands on its own. Could be considered a WIP but its not and will never be updated again.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6

Liz and Helen take a trip to Los Angeles"

This is a standalone from the Gofer Phil!verse that I wrote for evilmaniclaugh's birthday.

Original Fiction

A Day Like Any Other Day

Angsty, dark humor kind of fic. What if there were people who could talk to the dead? What would their day be like?